HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE Part1Principle2 – Dale Carnegie
Part 1 – Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 2; give honest and sincere appreciation
It is believed that everything we do, we do it because it’s what we find most important at the present moment or better still, the best use of our time. We always have a choice. Whether you choose to go drink beer with the boys instead of working on your presentation or you chose to go shopping with the girls instead of studying for your examination, at the end of the day you are the ultimate decider. And you can always decide otherwise, you make the decision, just like every other decisions, according to what you’ll prefer to do at that moment.
To get someone to do something, it therefore means that you have to get them to want to do it. And the only way to want people to do something is to give them what they want. We all want something; it’s our motive behind every action, even if it’s a huge donation to a charity. You perhaps donated to the charity because you want to help a global cause, or maybe it’s because you want to feel more significant or yours could even be that you want to offload a chunk from your bank account balance. But there is always a want.
If for example I WANT you to come drink beer with me over you working on your presentation, then I must make you WANT to drink beer with me over presentation and the way to do that is to offer you what you want, in this case it could be the opportunity to socialize with people or to drive in my car or enjoy a different ambience. I just need to present to you what you want to get you to do what I want. I personally believe that it’s just nature’s general rule of operation amongst humans because this cuts across every form of human interactions. For example; a good salesman doesn’t sell what he feels the customer needs, he makes the customer buy what he wants. A wise guy trying to attract a lady doesn’t showcase to the lady what he thinks she needs but put in the lady’s face what she wants. I think life gets even better for an individual when what you need then becomes what you want. (Sorry I digressed a little bit but I do hope you get the picture I’m trying to paint.)
Having said this, of all of the wants that exist (including money, sex, sleep, food, health), there is one we seem to crave the most, a feeling of importance; a want of being great. Hence the reason we like compliments. Abraham Lincoln believes ‘craving’ to be appreciated is the deepest principle of human nature.
It was this desire for a feeling of importance that made you go get a bachelor’s degree in the city when you could have just stayed back in the village. It was this feeling of importance that made some people got 5 University degrees. It is this feeling of importance that propels our youth to actively seek quick money making schemes. It is this feeling of importance that makes you buy luxury ‘toys’, build massive houses…and it is this same feeling of importance that fuels our passion.
Now that we know we all seem to be in this ‘big boat’ together, imagine the miracle you could do in someone’s life by giving a sincere appreciation; by paying attention even to the little positive a person has got, does for and to you, and give a very sincere appreciation.
Sincere efforts towards nourishing the self-esteem of others with kind words of appreciation go a very long way in the hearts and memoirs of the individual. We all want it, let us give it to each other.
Not Flattery! But sincere, selfless appreciation.
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