HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE Part1Principle1- Dale Carnegie
Part 1 – Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 1; don’t criticize, condemn or complain
In most cases, whether we publicly admit it or not, when condemned, criticized or judged we always mount up our defence mechanism and find justification for the act. Going back the memory lane, even hardened criminals like Two Guns Crowley, Al Capone and Dutch Schultz saw themselves as a public benefactor and merely misunderstood. These are guys that shed the bloods of people, including cops.
To buttress this point even further, an experiment conducted by B.F. Skinner proved that we are not very different from other animals in which we learn more and retain more when rewarded for good behaviour as opposed to being punished for bad.
Confucius said, “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbour’s roof when your own door step is unclean.
Imagine how many people have quit the pursuit of their wonderful dream and holding up in their heart a huge resentment against you simply because of the destructive criticism you gave them. Imagine how many great talents have been killed simply because you condemned them.
If you want to win friends and influence people, avoid condemning others and if you must criticize, make it a constructive criticism. Constantly complaining about someone will not necessarily make the person change, in most cases, it will make the person dislike you.
Often time parents are tempted to criticize their little children. They forget that they are only kids and expecting them to live as adult is merely giving them a responsibility too big to carry. If the responsibilities get too much, they won’t meet up to your expectation and as a result you condemn or criticize, while forgetting that this boy or girl is just a child. Instead of them freely expressing themselves and exploring the new world around them, you configure them to live out your expectation of them. CODEMNATION AND JUDGMENT create resentment.
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. This is a lot more profitable than criticism and it brings about sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
…And it is one of the fundamental techniques of handling people.
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